After my second emergency operation I lose a lot of blood and have to be hooked up to a 10 hour mineral diffusion. The nurse explains I need a Phosphate drip but because of her accent and my general fatigued state I think she is saying “force fed”. We go round in circles saying phos-fed force-fate and an array of different combinations and amalgamations of both words. In my confusion I think she means I’m going to be fitted with a tube down my nose to my stomach. I’ve already had a drain coming out my nose to drain my stomach which was agony to get down so am more relieved than intimidated when a special machine is wheeled over full of wires to connect to my chest. I am connected to a mineral drip as well as this machine to monitor my heart and pulse. There are so many tubes and wires it’s difficult to move. “What happens if I need the loo?” I enquire practically as 10 hours of liquid drip is a lot to withhold. “Oh we can unhook you or bring a bed pan” I’m told. I’ve only just learnt how to walk again and getting out of bed is an act I have to work up to so when this inevitable moment comes I opt for bed pan. The nurse is a student nurse doing her placement over in the UK. It’s only when she places it under I realise she’s never done this before (me neither). She waits patiently whilst I piss out all the minerals then inform her when I’m done. It’s only when I see the look on her face when she comes to retrieve the bedpan I realise I have had my first ward “accident”, be it through no fault of my own. Without saying anything she runs out the curtain calling the experienced healthcare assistant. They help me get out of bed and have to unhook all the wires now anyway. He very calmly strips the bed and remakes it in amazing super speed like he was born to do it, whilst she undresses me and starts to wash me down. Then in no time my new bed is made and I am being laid down again with the jungle of wires. I watch comedy box sets on my 2 year old nieces portable pink DVD player and conclude I have to temporarily let go of my dignity just for that day.